‘How are you?’ is a question that has been asked so many times by people who don’t want to know the answer that it has almost lost its usefulness. It is ‘trite’. It often receives a similarly meaningless answer such as, ‘Fine thanks.’ Imagine someone asking you how you are and giving a true reply about all your health issues and emotional challenges. Outside of a close friendship or a doctor/patient relationship, it wouldn’t be very appropriate. So can we and should we do anything to improve this rather useless exchange? Yes, I think we should and there are plenty of options.
Let’s start with the question. As this is the start of a conversation, we have the opportunity to set the tone and create a positive atmosphere. Instead of asking how someone is, we might pay them a compliment such as, ‘You’re looking well/great/fantastic,’ etc., depending on how well you know the person. You could ask if they’ve had a good journey, which can be an effective icebreaker too. Another option instead of asking is to say, ‘I hope you’ve had a good journey.’ These could be risky, of course, as it might have been a bad journey. Positive or light-hearted comments about the weather, even if the weather isn’t great, are also an option.
If someone asks you how you are, then see what you can do to give a response such as ‘Very well, thank you,’ which will help to create a positive atmosphere. However, you could be more adventurous and try ‘Great, thanks,’ and explain why with an upbeat comment about something, for example ‘I’m really enjoying this sunny weather,’ or ‘It’s been a really good start to the week’.